Boo! I'm Not Dead and I Still Love to Write

Happy Sunday my gorgeous readers! It's been over two months since my last blog post. So, I'm going to do my best to update you on my beautifully chaotic life over the last two months.

The bottom line is that I'm not dead, this blog is not a phase, and I still love to write.

Over the past two months, I left my old job, moved to a new city, started a new job, poured a lot of time into me, and met so many new, incredible people. One of my best friends got married, I celebrated a few birthdays of my people, and I traveled to see my favorite artist perform live (again...yes I was peaking). I've been exploring my new city. Most days I go on a walk with no route in mind and there's something so calming about that. I genuinely feel at peace with where I am right now and I can't even remember the last time I felt like this. I don't feel ahead or behind in my life. I don't feel like comparing myself to anyone else. With all of these feelings bubbling up when I think about my life in the last two months, I know I am exactly where I need to be. Cliche, maybe, but I have a tear in my eye typing that out because I feel content. And that feeling of content has been so difficult for me to capture in the last few years. All I can think about is how thankful I am for myself. I'm utterly proud of my confidence to be by myself and to jump into things that I'm unsure about. I know this is kind of turning into a hype session about me, but wow. A year ago I wouldn't have recognized the woman looking at me in the mirror now. Content. It might be my new favorite word.

October has always been one of my favorite months. I know the fall begins at the tail end of September, but something about October feels fresh—like a new beginning. Last October, I spent a lot of time being sad. I was so unhappy in my job, and my life outside of work wasn't filling me with much joy either. I couldn't get out of my own head (which for those of you who know me, is very unlike me). I'm the happy-go-lucky girl. The one who always has a smile on her face and is consistently positive day to day. That's how most people see me. For someone who has always had that energy expected from her, I didn't recognize myself one bit. I spent a lot of time stuck in a space where I just wanted to start over, but I didn't know how. My feelings would get the best of me and to be quite honest, moving on from old patterns terrified me. I'm not going to get into the why and the reasons I was so out of it, but let's just say I couldn't dig myself out of the hole that I was so deep and lost in. I remember my mom being really worried about me, which is weird because that normally isn't the case. It breaks my heart to think about how many phone calls I spent speaking so negatively or how many experiences I missed out on because I didn't want to leave my apartment. I will say I put on a pretty good show for my social media and people who weren't able to see me.

Let's fast forward to this year, this is getting depressing.

Fast forward to this year. October is almost over. This month, I went apple picking and to a sunflower farm. Like are we kidding, how fun is that? Last year, I spent my weekends on my couch. Last weekend, I flew to Miami to see Taylor Swift perform her Eras Tour for the second time. This time, including her newest album. I couldn't stop smiling all weekend. This weekend, I taught 3 spin classes (a little excessive maybe but god I love it) and spent the day at the local brewery yesterday talking to complete strangers. One of those strangers being one of the cast members of Love Is Blind DC. I was ugly, belly laughing with one of my best friends all day. Today, I'm at home relaxing, but I'm writing. Something that I can't even describe the joy it brings to me. When I write, I laugh, I cry, and it gives me a little healing experience every time. But when I'm finished writing this, I'm going to go outside, on a walk to nowhere, and I love that. It's funny how life completely switches up on you in a year. It's weird to see yourself in so many different phases and figure out which version of you suits you best. I like this version of me. Someone who says yes to spontaneity. Someone who isn't living for the weekends always. Someone who is creative and fun and puts her all into everything she does. Someone who loves hard, but is fiercely independent.

So what's next...

I'm not going to go over two months without writing again, I'll tell you that. I'm going to write about life in my new city. I'm going to write about the spontaneous adventures that I go on, I'll write about dating, and the characters I meet here. I'll be writing about whatever the hell I want to (if you have anything that you're dying to hear what I have to say about it, hit my line).

I'm constantly learning and growing and I like that. I used to be so unsure about change and now it's only helped me blossom. Not every day is perfect, but I'm in a space where I'm okay with that now. It's all about the beautiful chaos. I am a hot mess, but I like it and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

Final Thoughts

Before closing out this post, I want to talk about who I was thinking about the whole time I was writing this. My unreal, magical mama. She is one of the only people on this planet who can tell when I'm off (I told you I'm a really good actress). There haven't been many moments in my life where I haven't been my bubbly self or at least been able to fake it. In the last year, she has told me her own stories, been my biggest hype woman, sent me some inspirational Instagram dms (these are my personal favorites), and truly given me advice that has gotten me here. All while being hours away. I think about how lucky I am every day to have a mom who is still here, who I have the most insane, silly, iconic relationship with. So mama, I know when you read this you're going to be crying like a baby, just know... ditto! I love you. Thank you. You pulled me out of a really dark space earlier this year and I don't even know if you realize it. Xoxoxo

Until next time <3